FL050
"DARK UNITS"

DATELINE: TRABZON, TURKEY
(April 19, 2021)

Fellow passengers, it’s another beautiful day in the Limoverse. We were sad to see Istanbul in the rearview mirror but just as excited to hitch the Limo to some dolphins and catch a tow up to the Black Sea. Onward, to Lazistan!

You may or may not remember last June, when, among other things, we established the LAZ (Limo Autonomous Zone). Was it really only ten months ago that we were leaving David Chang in the parking lot of a Houston Whataburger and stealing an oil tanker in the port of Galveston, which we outfitted with stealth sails so we could cruise the Gulf of Mexico unperturbed by the so-called authorities?

Today in Turkey it all comes rushing back, as we unfold an old map of the Black Sea coast and find the ACTUAL (historical) REGION OF LAZISTAN within our reach.

Ahoy! What is 2021 but 2020 persevering?

At midnight we sneak into the local harbor and find a coal bulker flying the Kurdish flag. We all know instantly: this is the boat we’re going to steal. But we’ve heard whispers that under Turkish anti-terror law speaking the mere name of forbidden places like Lazistan or Kurdistan carries a prison sentence of 1-3 years. Whoa Limo! Who wants that?

Fortunately an interdimensional limousine like ours comes standard with the Internet Anagram Server. With the flick of a dial we rearrange the letters from KURDISTAN to SAD INK RUT before taking A SKID TURN east towards the city of Trabzon. In the clear! Or shall we say: eternal chi.

The Sad Ink Rut pulls into harbor and we drop anchor as the sun comes up. Comrades, breakfast is served:

Black Sea menemen
Onion seed cornbread
Raspberry tahini bars

And through nothing but sheer luck we live to sail another day.